


Aftermath

by Assbuttinatrenchcoat



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mental Institutions, Suicide Attempt, aftermath AU, basically its all the letters the trio sent evan, if that makes sense, letter format
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-18 15:04:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14215731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Assbuttinatrenchcoat/pseuds/Assbuttinatrenchcoat
Summary: After the events of the Connor Project, Evan goes crazy wracked with guilt. His mental state gets so bad, he tries to kill himself and is admitted into the Hatting Institute. This story contains the letters his close friends and family wrote to him while he was there.





	Aftermath

dear evan,  
i have so much to say to you and im scared the word limit wont be enough but here we go. im not mad at you, im upset... thatd be the best way to put it. im upset that you lied to me, that you lied to mom, to dad, especially mom... but at the same time i have to thank you, yknow? im pretty sure mom wouldve killed herself if it wasnt for you. you gave her that small hope that her kid wasnt an asshole. you gave her hope that connor was a good person that didnt deserve to die, i still dont know if he did. as im sure you know connor wasnt a great person and he was far from a great brother. i cant find it in myself to forgive him, he did so many things to me that... im not that strong.

as for you? i hope youre okay.. i know simple words like that probably dont mean a lot to you but they to me. its your fault and ive forgiven you but things wont ever be the same, im sure you know that. 

i should update you on your family, dunno if they've written to you. Heidi's not okay.. I'm sure you know that, ive gone and visited her with my mom and jared several times. she really isnt okay evab, shes always crying and i didnt see it but jared swears he saw several bottles of what i can assume is liquor under the sofa in your living room. your dad came back too... which is almost ironic.. hes helping your mom so shes not alone... we try to visit as often as possible so those two arent alone together. 

me, jared and alana have been going to the schools therapist a lot,after everything with the connor project all out parents agreed it was for the best, in fact, the schools therapist is the only reason im even writing to you, she told us it was a good way to try to forgive and forget, although I know ill never be able to forget everything that's happened here.

jared's been okay. he and alana got very close. we all did but theyre good friends. theyre both going to write you their own letters so id rather not say too much.

to finish this whirlwind of emotions in front of me; i know why you did what you did and im sorry that no one came for you. im sorry you had to depend on a fabricated version of my brother and im sorry it backfired on you

best wishes  
zoe murphy

p.s. say hi to connor for me

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dear evan hansen,  
that sounds familar doesnt it? who knew that a simple letter like that could end up affecting you in such a massive way. oh yeah! i did, though in all honesty i could have never predicted this happening. im not sorry, im not going to give you some pitiful letter, thats not why im doing this amd as a matter of fact i dont even know if youll even read this but i have to say it.

im mad at you evan but im also mad at myself, i shouldve been there for you, maybe not at the orchard, maybe i shouldnt have left after calling out connor and his stupid, stupid hair. maybe this wouldnt have happened if i had done that but i can i take it back? no and you cant either. i cared a lot about you evan and in al honesty, i shouldve done more. i know. i shouldve stopped you when you went to the murphys house. i shouldnt have helped you write those stupid emails but i cant take it back and mrs. jones (the school therapist) is helping me be okay with that. im sure you have your own team of therapists, say hi to them for me.

ive talked to your mom a lot. she needs the company and you were my only friend so, so do i. ive never seen a more broken woman. she barley moves. alana and i tend to go buy groceries for her when they run out. i got a job at the local library as a book stacker. its not a lot of payment but its nice. i can help heidi with that money plus my own family.

now back to you evan, how are you? i dont think that answer can be positive but i still want to know and is what mrs. jones said true? did you do it because of connor? i dont know what you must have been feeling but im sorry you felt it. that you became so desperate you took one too many anxiety pills.

i have to go soon. i have band practice but i dont think we'll talk again for a really long time, so i need you to know; im sorry i wasnt a better friend to you. im sorry i wasnt there for you and im so fucking sorry i made you think we're just family friends, because the truth is i held you in much higher regard than that... im just so fucking bad at conveying emotions and words with my mouth. its much easier to type it out.

your "friend"  
jared kleinman

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Dear Evan Hansen,  
I don't exactly know what I can say to you. We weren’t that close and in the end I probably hurt you more than I helped but I still need to say this to you. I’m sorry over just how much I ended up hurting you and I know I did. I published the letter and I regret it so much… if I hadn’t done that, who knows of the situation had gotten as out of hand as it did. I blame myself for that and that’s not going to change, however, I'm sorry for what happened to you, you're probably used to hearing that so much but I am so fucking sorry for everything I did to hurt you and the Murphys.

I've been thinking a lot of what it means to be a good person, something i always thought i was but after a few sessions with Mrs. Jones I can safely say I'm not a good person, at all. I wouldn't say I'm a bad person like Connor either but I'm not the saint I always thought I was. You were a good person Evan, you were a good person that got too caught up in trying to help a kid that was beyond saving than to see that.

I really don't feel comfortable, saying I'm the only one who suffered, because I'm really not... your mom she... she's taking the worst hits. shes so lonely Evan. Jared, Zoe and I try to console her and even Cynthia Murphy has tried talking to her but its like shes lost, like she died the day you almost did.

Speaking of Cynthia Murphy, she told me to write to you saying she was sorry. That she knows that she pressured you for more information on Connor and that she's sorry for that. In fact she said she might even try writing a letter to you on her own. You'll have to tell me if she does.

All in all, you didn't deserve this Evan and I hope you get let out of the Hatting Institute soon enough. I'm sure we'll all be happy to see you.

Best Regards  
Alana Beck

**Author's Note:**

> this is based on my own Aftermath AU and ill be more than happy to answer any questions about the AU ;0c
> 
> comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!!!!!


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